Don't "fight" with your child-Woodmam
I am an old friend of Dong Cheng, a junior reporter for the China High School Student Newspaper and a sophomore in Beijing, and his mother, Ms Du. They have become good friends through the "clash" of mother and son.
In talking to me, they told me three secrets.
Tip 1: Confrontation becomes dialogue, starting with mutual appreciation between parents and children.
Ms Du said, "In the past, when I went to the mall, my son wanted to see CDs and I wanted to see clothes, so there was always conflict. Later, I asked my son to be my advisor when I saw what clothes I wanted to wear. I would sneak a look at my son, and when he nodded, I would try it on. I think my son has a boy's eye and he can see how beautiful his mother is, and he can tell right away if she has chosen the right clothes. My son is my best advisor."
Dong Cheng said, "It's especially easy to go out with my mother. If my mother can let me be a counsellor, of course I have to be confident as a son."
Tip 2: Confrontation turns into dialogue, and parents and children give each other tips to transform.
I treat my child as my best friend," says Ms Du, "I tell him what I have to say and he tells me what he has to say. My son is older and has his own thoughts, so I have to learn to listen in order to understand him. Sometimes my son comes in the door with his school bag: ' Mum, I want to talk to you about something.' I hear him out, no matter how busy I am. If you say: 'I'm frying, I don't have time to listen to you. You're saying no, and next time your son won't talk to you."
Tip 3: The key to turning confrontation into dialogue is mutual parent-child understanding.
Ms Du says: "From the day I became a mother, I didn't just give birth to a life, I also made a friend. This friend has grown up little by little, and I have got to know him a little. Now I'm in my 40s, my child is 15 and menopause has hit puberty. My son always asks, 'Mum, why are you so rambunctious now?' I say, 'I don't know, I actually want you to feel sorry for me. My son said, 'I will be good to you in the future. But I'm older now, I'm a boy, I have my own things to do.'"
The mother surrendered her heart to her son, which touched him very much. Dong Cheng has done a good job on how to happily accept his mother who is heading towards menopause, and his face is full of happiness when he talks about her.
The three tips summed up by this ordinary mother and son are indeed meaningful.
As the years go by, the child grows taller and the parents get shorter day by day. Children need to learn to lean down and listen to their parents' loving "nagging", while parents can put aside their pride as elders and say happily, "Finally, they are taller than us!
Educational toys can be used to prompt children's learning abilities