Appreciation and praise should always be combined with frustration education-Woodmam


  Parent: He attaches special importance to marks, is relatively strong in self-care on weekdays, and has a wide range of interests. Learning is too much about results and not too much about the process. It is especially hard to get a bad grade, always saying how many points how many points, when he gives himself a score, he does not change the wrong words, just put the score there, not to correct mistakes. I know it's wrong, but I don't change it.

  Author: How old are you?

  Parent: Third grade.

  Author: Is it a boy? Girl. So you're a parent with the right idea, aren't you?

  Parent: Right thinking, but I don't know how to change it!

  Author: I think that the child values the score and is good and strong, especially good and strong, is that right? What do you want to achieve?

  Parent: Is she too much in charge? When I was in preschool, sometimes I would come home and cry, saying that the teacher didn't like her today, why? The teacher didn't praise her today. She couldn't stand it without praise for one day. Until now in the third grade, there is still this situation. Two days ago, instead of saying that the teacher doesn't like her, she said that the teacher hasn't seen her lately. (The author laughs.) She said that the teacher didn't look at me and looked at someone else and didn't pay attention to her, and the next day she was praised by the teacher again. She probably grew up with a little too much praise!

  Author: The first problem you mentioned is what you showed on the paper, that is, the child is more focused on the score, but from our conversation, only focusing on the score is a symbol, what she values is the evaluation of others in her environment, especially if she is praised by others, she values her grades very much, is that right? In this way, parents encounter two problems: one, that she only values the superficial phenomenon of grades at the expense of the actual improvement of her abilities, which is the first problem you are worried about; the second problem is that you are now worried that your child only stands up to praise, but not to judgments other than praise.

  We should understand the problem in this way. When we talk about appreciation, praise, encouragement, and example for children, we are praising children for things worthy of appreciation and praise, not including praise for shortcomings, which is the first; second, when you appreciate and praise, since shortcomings are not appreciated and praised, advantages are appreciated and praised, this boundary itself makes a trade-off for children in your praise and praise. Then, in this trade-off we have to say that appreciation, praise method always have to be combined with frustration education.

  What do you mean by frustration education? It is the child can withstand criticism as opposed to praise. But criticism and praise, like, have to exercise its principles. What is the principle of praise, that is, the praise is praised, should not praise can not praise; criticism is the same, the criticism to criticize, should not criticize can not criticize. Parents must be right to criticize and right to praise.

  So what is the point of combining praise, appreciation and criticism? That's what I'm going to tell you. Because your child has not received criticism in the past, now he or she has to receive criticism with praise. What does that mean? To praise her for withstanding criticism as an improvement, that's a technique. To praise her for withstanding criticism as progress. But how does this progress come about? In the past, you can not withstand criticism, you have to create a relatively mild, she can withstand, very reasonable criticism. For example, if you criticize her, she will be convinced that she can accept it, and then praise her for accepting the criticism as a merit.

  Parent: You repeat it again, a little faster. (Everyone laughs)

  Author: For example, if your child has one thing today, such as this word is written wrong, this thing is done wrong, don't you have criticism for her? This criticism is very reasonable, the attitude is very friendly, she accepted it. Then you praise her for this attitude of accepting criticism, understand? Let her constantly develop the concept that I am a child who can not only stand praise, but also stand criticism. With that, my mother especially appreciated me, my surrounding world especially appreciated me as a well-rounded and good child. That's the technique, that's the right way to homeschool.

  To grow your child to be able to move forward in the face of criticism, in the face of failure, in the face of opposition from others. Okay?

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