What is your strangest meeting-the-parents story?-Woodmam

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“What is your strangest meeting-the-parents story?”

Back when I partied to the point I was a really scrubby version of myself, long frayed hair, unkempt facial hair, clothes with holes in it, I looked borderline homeless. I did stuff on a regular basis that tore my clothes, stained them, or both on a daily basis. I was almost always on something so I was quite quirky… and I tended to lose time for reasons I won’t get into now.

One of the people I hung with was a lesbian. She came from a really conservative home and still lived there because of her fiscal situation. So, we went places publicly and hung out. She had me do some PDA with her when she spotted certain people. Stay with me, the lady was brilliant. After a bit over a month, she wanted me to meet her parents and pretend we were a serious couple.

So, fast forward to dinner. I was being my even more classless version of myself back then, not even using table manners I knew. I was buzzed up on coke so I did not drift off during conversations. I was also a little stoned (clashing highs) so I was a bit more social. I was in full “I don’t give a f^ck” mode. I was a bit amused by the parents regular cringing. The stuffy type always annoyed me, and back then it was really fun.

Near the end of dinner, my lesbian friend said that she might just end up getting married with children with me. I knew she wasn’t serious so I just shrugged and said “Hope they take after you. I’m a really bad role model” and giggled a bit. My friend hugged me with a kiss on the cheek saying “Isn’t he so delightfully direct?”

Just then the mother gasped and the father, lobster red at the time, stood up, threw his napkin at me, and began raging against our relationship and how they raised her better and demanding that I leave and all sorts of words I mostly registered as blah-blah-blah. I was almost incapable of respect at the time. I had to know and like ya’ first.

That’s when my friend burst out into laughter and said “I’m yanking your chain. I’m a lesbian. You know my best friend? She was my girlfriend for a few years now. We are moving in together.”

I got up and walked out. I was suddenly invisible to the parents. That was the only time I saw uptight conservative Christians really happy that their daughter just came out as a lesbian to them.

For the next ten years, whenever we were both in a social situation, we’d tell that story… laughing our butts off.

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