Parents need to accept their children unconditionally-Woodmam

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Parents who know how to accept their children will not be anxious. A mother asks: Does loving a child mean that you have to meet all the demands of the child? Is there any attention to the child's emotions and the needs behind the emotions?

Whatever the child's emotions are, we are to be fully accepting. Acceptance does not mean that we have to agree and approve of all the child's behavior, but that we do not deny or judge the child because of these behaviors and emotions.

The child is the master who is responsible for his or her own behavior, and no matter what he or she says or does, we must love him or her consistently, which is unconditional love. The foundation of unconditional love is trust, and the gateway to love is seeing the emotions and reasons behind the behavior.

If our child is up late, are we concerned about whether he desires our company or whether we think he is the trouble? If our child is bullied by others and does not want to go to school, are we concerned about his helplessness, or do we think he is weak? When our child buys all kinds of things, do we focus on his sense of deprivation, or do we label him as an ungrateful person?

As you can imagine, in the absence of trust, we react without seeing our child's true needs. And of course, there can be no talk of love and acceptance. Only under the premise of trust, believing that our children are upwardly mobile and good, can we learn about our children's needs.

Often, I see parents ask questions like.

I don't know if this is true love or coddling. Why do I feel that my child cries when he doesn't get his way? Is it because he is still young, or is it because I am not handling the problem in the right way and it is affecting him? When I can't stand it, I choose to let him cry for a while, but he is afraid that I will ignore him. What can I do to reduce his crying when I encounter similar things in the future?

In fact, crying is just a signal from our child that you are not paying attention to my real needs.

It's like when the alarm goes off, what we need to do is to go to the place where the fire started, not to find a way to keep the alarm from going off. If our focus is on removing our own psychological burden and eliminating our child's crying, then the child is not feeling seen and accepted. The child can't say it, but the emotions are blocked, and it must be uncomfortable, only to continue to cry. Therefore, we should allow the child to release his emotions, and often communicate with the child, so that the child can say what he feels without fear. It's okay if the child can't say anything, just observe it attentively.

Pay attention, listen, accompany, do not criticize, do not lecture, respond in time, and identify with the child's feelings. The child's feelings are recognized, the emotions can flow, and the mood will be naturally relaxed. When the channel of love is smooth, the emotions can flow away quickly. Sometimes the reason behind a child's behavior is not easy to see, and the channel seems less clear. So is it possible to accept without knowing the reason? The answer is, of course, yes. On the basis of mutual trust, if we really pay attention and listen to our child's emotions and needs, then the channel will naturally open. Love is connected and flows. Trusting the child without judgment or denial. Even if the reasons behind the child's emotions are still not well understood, our love and acceptance can be felt by the child.

Sometimes, just a hug is all a child needs to feel our love, and it can be more than words can say. So what do we do when we can't meet our children's demands and they have emotions. We can give the child a quiet environment, we have to keep our emotions stable and tell the child gently and honestly. If for some reason we can't meet your request, we can stay with you if you are upset and allow the child to release his emotions.

When we do this, the channel stays open and it is important that the parent allows the child to release the emotions of rejection and the child experiences understanding and acceptance. The child will understand that his parents are only rejecting him for this current request and are not abandoning him. Finally, moms and dads must know that anyone has emotions, and our own emotions and needs need to be seen and accepted. We don't need to play Superman. When we have emotions, we can be honest and tell our children or family members.

"I'm in a bad mood, can you give me a hug?" When we express ourselves authentically, we are seeing ourselves, the channel is open, accepting ourselves and allowing our emotions to flow as well. Once you have adjusted yourself, you are more able to understand and accept your child.

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