4. Meet a "bad boy"-Woodmam
Love your child, help him create a harmonious situation, do not create trouble for him.
After Yuan Yuan jumped to the fourth grade, he had no difficulty in learning and soon got acquainted with his new classmates and had a few of his best friends. All in all, things were going very well. The only thing that bothered her was that she was often bullied by a young boy in her class.
This boy is the so-called "bad student", here I call him Sun Xiaoli. He sits behind Yuan Yuan. I heard that he used to bully other female students in the class, and since Yuan Yuan came, his main focus was on bullying Yuan Yuan. He always grabbed Yuan Yuan's pigtails from behind in class. After class, grabbed her textbook and threw it to another classmate's table in the distance, watching her anxiously go around in a big circle to find the book, almost close to the book, he ran ahead to grab it again and put it on another distant table. Often, when class is about to start, Yuan Yuan is still busy chasing books all over the classroom. Sometimes when Yuan Yuan was playing with other students after class, he pushed him and almost fell down.
Yuan Yuan often came home and complained to me that this little boy seemed to make her a little worried. The students in Yuan Yuan's class even complained to me, saying, "Auntie, Sun Xiaoli is always bullying Yuan Yuan in our class, so go and sue the teacher. I didn't go to the teacher because I thought it was inevitable for little boys to be naughty and it wasn't a big deal, so I just told Yuan Yuan not to care about him. The second is that I think Yuan Yuan has already talked to the teacher about this, and if I go to say it again, the teacher will not be able to solve the problem by criticizing him again. I hope that Yuan Yuan can solve these problems on her own. From my feeling, this little boy only brings trouble to Yuan Yuan, and she will be fine if she goes home to talk about it, which is not a psychological harm to her, so I am not in a hurry to intervene.
The bullying tactics in the fourth grade were not too serious, but in the fifth grade it was a bit too much. In addition to the previous pranks, there was also "harassment". One time he called home, just as Yuan Yuan answered the phone, he shouted "I love you" over the phone. Yuan Yuan was so frightened that she threw the receiver away and angrily came over to me and said, "How did Sun Xiaoli know our home phone number? Let's change the phone quickly!
I began to seriously think about this Sun Xiaoli, thinking that this only 10-year-old child may really have some problems, did not think of what to do. But soon another thing happened that I couldn't help but act quickly.
That day Yuan Yuan came home from school looking very bad mood, as soon as she entered the door to change clothes and wash her hair. When I asked why, she grumbled for a while before reluctantly telling me that Sun Xiaoli had hugged her from behind and kissed her hair when she was playing with her classmates outside the classroom this afternoon. The teacher happened to see it and criticized him and punished him for standing. She asked me if I could talk to the principal and expel Sun Xiaoli.
Yuan Yuan's father had long been unhappy with the little boy and was furious at this point, saying he would go to the parents of this bad boy and have them beat him up. My intuition is that it's useless to find the parents of such a child, because if they beat him up, he might do something bad in the future. I don't expect the teacher to have a solution, I want to find a fundamental solution. I told Yuan Yuan that my mom would wait for you at the school gate tomorrow after school to talk to Sun Xiaoli. The next day I bought a copy of Zheng Yuanjie's fairy tale "Peeper", which is a fairy tale that Yuan Yuan and I both like. This is a "bribe" on the one hand, and on the other hand I want him to read a little. The Soviet educator Sukhomlinsky said, "I firmly believe that the self-education of young people begins with reading a good book."
I went to the entrance of Yuan Yuan's school to wait for her. She came out early, and waited with me for Sun Xiaoli to come out. After a while, Yuan Yuan pointed me to a loosely dressed, somewhat unkempt looking child and called him over.
I told him that I was Yuan Yuan's mother and wanted to talk to him. He probably thought I was here to settle a score, and his eyes showed fear, which turned to provocation and disinterest.
"Don't be nervous, auntie just came to talk to you casually, let's talk, okay?" I squatted down. His expression was a little surprised, but his mood eased. At this point several students came around next to me, I did not want them to surround the side, pulling Sun Xiaoli to walk away, but the young boys still followed. I had to leave them alone.
I asked Sun Xiaoli in a pleasant manner, "Do you think Yuan Yuan is a good or a bad classmate?"
He replied, "Good classmate." He was a little shy.
I asked, "What is good about her, tell me."
He blurted out, "Good at studying." After a moment's thought, he said, "She doesn't make trouble." Then there was silence.
I asked, "Anything else?"
He thought about it again and said, "No cursing and no bullying."
I asked again, "And what is her weakness?"
He was slightly embarrassed and said in a low voice, "No flaws."
I said, "Yuan Yuan is a good student, if someone bullies her, then do you think it's right?"
He shook his head.
"Then you will bully her?"
He hesitated again and shook his head.
I smiled, patted his arm and said, "That's a good boy."
At this point, several young boys next to me were dissatisfied and said, "Auntie, don't believe him, he often bullies Yuan Yuan, he has given his teacher assurances many times, and after that, he makes mistakes again. Said Sun Xiaoli a face of dissatisfaction and a slight shame.
I said to the boys, "Sun Xiaoli used to be that way, but he won't be like that anymore." I asked Sun Xiaoli full of trust: "Do you think so?" Sun Xiaoli's eyes filled with luster for a moment, and he nodded his head.
I also saw the kindness of this child in this moment, and vaguely felt that the child is like this, must be related to his parents' parenting style, so I wanted to talk to his parents, hoping to solve the child's problems once and for all. So I asked: "Which unit do your mom and dad work in, can I talk to them? Don't worry, I promise it's not a complaint." The child looked very embarrassed and his mood dropped.
At this time, a child on the sidelines whispered to me, auntie you do not ask. I immediately realized that this Sun Xiaoli's family may be a problem, the conversation quickly stopped, apologized to him and said, oh, sorry, do not talk about this. I took out the "Piploc" to him and said, this book is very good, Yuan Yuan loves to read this book, do you want to see ah?
He nodded his head. After reading the book, his eyes were deaf and pulled down again.
I put the book into his hands and said, "This book is for you, go home and read it. In addition, Yuan Yuan has a lot of good-looking books at home, if you want to read, you can ask her to bring it, lend it to you, you read a book to return, and then borrow another book. Okay?
He held the Peepal in both hands, his eyes shining, and nodded again. The more children gathered in front of him, I was afraid that Sun Xiaoli would have psychological pressure, so I said, "Let's do this today, okay? He still nodded his head and looked very good, he certainly did not expect me to solve the problem with him in this way. I led Yuan Yuan to go home, just did not let me ask Sun Xiaoli's parents unit of the little boy came over and mysteriously said to me, Sun Xiaoli's father is in prison. I was a little surprised, then said to the boy, his father in prison, he must be very sad in his heart, do not want to let others know. This thing we know on the line, and will not say to others, OK? The boy immediately nodded his head very understandingly.
From then on, Sun Xiaoli really did not bully Yuan Yuan again. After a while, I asked Yuan Yuan to bring him a book of fairy tales by Zheng Yuan Jie. I asked Yuan Yuan if Sun Xiaoli had read the two books, she said she didn't know and didn't want to ask him. Maybe she still tries to avoid Sun Xiaoli, do not want to provoke him. But she said that Sun Xiaoli is not bullying girls anymore, but he still gets criticized by teachers for other reasons. Once Yuan Yuan went to the teacher's office to deliver the workbooks, and the teacher called Sun Xiaoli's mother, who looked very angry and suddenly stood up and kicked Sun Xiaoli a few times.
When Yuan Yuan said this, she sounded frightened, the scene was too unbelievable for her. I told Yuan Yuan that it was wrong for his mother to do that, it hurt the child's self-esteem too much. What can a child do in a family like this. His fault is not really his fault, it's his parents' fault. So you should not discriminate against him, and when you encounter other students who say discriminatory and insulting things to Sun Xiaoli, you should also go and stop them. Don't look at him as a bad boy, he is just an ordinary classmate, everyone treats him equally now, so he can grow up to be a normal person.
I later heard a quote from a TV show about animals that said that traumatized baby elephants mature early and are aggressive. That would explain why this child was in those situations.
I felt sorry for Sun Xiaoli and wanted to help him. I wanted to talk to his mother and change the way she taught him, because children are so malleable. But his mother was like that, I was a little afraid of her, I was not sure I could communicate with her. And I was very busy at work, often working overtime. Then I stopped hearing about Sun Xiaoli, and I didn't think about it anymore. Now I think I regret a little, maybe I was better to talk to his mother. I hope this child has become a good person now. We left Yantai after Yuan Yuan's fifth grade, and I haven't heard from him since. I hope he can grow up normally.
In 2006, I read about an incident in the newspaper in which the parents of a girl in a Beijing elementary school went home and cried to their parents because their daughter had a small conflict with a boy at school. The couple went straight to the young boy and beat him up so badly that the boy died. This tragic incident left two families shattered. The parents, who not only buried their own future, but also left their beloved daughter to grow up in solitude, without her parents. Taking a step back, even if nothing had happened to the boy, such a practice by the parents would still be abhorrent. From a distance, how can they teach their children to behave in such a way? In the near future, this will make their daughters look up in school. They are taking away both the joy of their daughter's school life in the moment and teaching her to be vindictive and take away her future happiness.
Every child may encounter a "bad classmate" at school, and if a parent needs to step in, the goal should be to help the child solve the problem and resolve the conflict, not to retaliate. There are different ways to deal with different people, but the bottom line is to not hurt the "little enemy" physically or psychologically, but to respect that child as much as you respect your own. At the same time, consider the impact of the approach on your child's personality and behavior, as well as the impact on his or her future relationships. Love your child, help him create a harmonious situation, do not create trouble for him.
● "His fault is actually the fault of his parents. So don't discriminate against him, don't look at him as a bad kid, he's just an ordinary classmate. Everyone treats him equally now so that he can be a normal person when he grows up."
● Reading promotes moral development. Soviet educator Sukhomlinsky said, "I firmly believe that the self-education of a youngster begins with reading a good book."
Parents should help their children solve problems and resolve conflicts rather than retaliate.