Emotional Diversion Method-woodmam

Second, the case

  Let's look at the following case.

  Michiel is a 10-year-old girl who is in the fifth grade. She has almost no friends in her neighborhood and is lonely at school. For the past few years she has had only one good friend, Gisha, in her class. Her mother believes that her daughter's social difficulties are caused by her bad personality, as Mikael is stereotypical, does not share, and wants things to go her way. At the beginning of the new semester, a new student transferred to Mikael's class who was close to her only friend, Gisha. This new girl made fun of Mikael and encouraged a small circle in the class to do the same in order to compete with her for friendship.

  Whenever she was frustrated with her peers, Mikael would run away, become upset, and even cry silently. Sometimes she would attack her peers, sometimes she would tell her teacher, and sometimes she would talk to her parents. Mitchiel often had the thought (this i.e., her cognitive distress, her automated thought), "I have to be liked by other children, or I am bad." "Other people should approach me and be friends with me." "Now she's not my friend anymore." "No one ever liked me." "There must be something wrong with me somewhere." When asked why she turned to her teachers and parents for help, she said, "I didn't have any recourse at the time." "It was too difficult to make friends, and I shouldn't have had to do this just on my own." To reduce Mickiel's loneliness, her teachers and parents would give her extra compensation when she was sad, which in turn became a vicious cycle, and her classmates scoffed at her child-like immature behavior.

  Mikiel's poor friendship habits faced two difficulties: one, how to deal with the teasing of her classmates; and two, acquiring the skills to get along with her classmates. The first problem was a cognitive one, and only after this problem was solved could the second problem be put on the agenda.

  Mom took Mickey to see a counselor. The counselor used Socratic questions to solve the cognitive problems for Mikael.

  Counselor: Does Gisha like everyone in the class?

  Mikael: Of course not.

  Counselor: Are you saying that there are other students in the class who are not her friends?

  Mikael: Yes.

  Counselor: So what do you think of these students? Are they worthless people?

  Mikael: I never thought of them that way. ...... They are certainly not worthless.

  Counselor: Then why? If you are worthless because you are not Gisha's friend, shouldn't all those students who are not Gisha's friends be worthless like you?

  Mikael: No, some of them are good kids.

  (Mikael says the names and merits of these children.)

  Counselor: These kids are not Gisha's friends, but they are good kids, so why not you?

  Mikael: Oh, maybe I can.

  Counselor: It sounds like you don't have much confidence. Maybe you have a lot of good qualities too, even though you're not in that clique.

  Mikael: Oh, I have a lot of good qualities, but that doesn't make them like me.

  Counselor: Do they have to like you?

  Mikael: Of course not, there are only 8 people in their circle and there are more girls in our class, they can't be good friends with everyone.

  Counselor: So, all those students who are not friends with this small circle are bad?

  Mikael: I don't think so.

  Counselor: Then why are you bad? How are you different from other students who are not in the clique?

  Mikael: I don't think there is any difference. But I think only of myself, not of others.

  Counselor: Well, if they are not liked by that clique and still can be good, why can't you be good?

  Mikael: I never thought of it that way.

  Counselor: Then try saying out loud, "I'm just as good as the other kids. I don't need to be a good person just because they like me".

  (Mikael tries to repeat this 3 times.)

  Counselor: How would you feel if you really thought that?

  Mikael: I think I would feel better.

  Counselor: Okay, let me and your parents help you practice this often.

  Once Mikiel's non-rational, automatic thoughts were challenged, the counselor and parents simultaneously gave her back her rational, alternative thoughts and then shifted the focus to developing interaction skills. Through facilitation and education, Michiel made significant improvements. She is no longer depressed when teased, she is in control when confronted by classmates, and she has made new friends in her class and neighborhood.

  Michiel is lucky to have parents and counselors. For most of us, due to our condition, we have to do emotional regulation and de-escalation on our own most of the time when facing frustration. There are many examples of success in this area.

  Indeed, in the face of difficulties and setbacks, if we can channel our emotions positively - looking only at what we have and not at what we don't have - and always keep a healthy mind, we will have no reason to complain about anything, because what we have is more than what we have lost: we have a happy family, parents who love us very much, classmates who get along well, many supportive friends who know or don't know us, good study The conditions ...... believe that many people remember this sentence: "I was melancholy because I had no shoes. Until I met a man on the street who had no feet!"

  Third, the requirements and principles

  Abandoning bad emotions and maintaining a positive mindset are the requirements and principles of our use of rational methods of emotional detachment.

  George Bernard Shaw said, "People always blame circumstances for their predicament; I don't believe in circumstances. People are born into this world in search of the environment they need. If they can't find it, they should create it themselves." The teenage years are a time when we are constantly shaping ourselves, and there is nothing more influential in this process than whether we choose an optimistic or pessimistic attitude. Because our emotions influence our thoughts, and our thoughts in turn influence our actions. An optimistic attitude will often bring us inspiration, while a pessimistic attitude will be the force that holds us back.

  In the above article, the counselor succeeded in helping Mickiel emerge from his bad mood. He abandoned positive teachings such as "how life is worth living" that were beyond Mikael's comprehension, and presented her with extreme, one-sided ideas that she could see as contradictory, leading her to an epiphany. The counselor is well versed in Socratic questioning techniques and uses the "midwifery" technique to get Mikael to discard the fallacies in her contradictions and finally summarize and define new alternative thoughts: "I am just as good as the other children. I don't need to be a good person just because they like me."

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