Chapter 3 Character Education for a Lifetime 1. Where do children come from?-Woodmam
How to teach character to children? There is no need to preach, no need to reward or punish, all education is in daily life. Character determines destiny, and childhood determines life.
The "sex education" into "sex enlightenment", than not to do much worse.
The problem of early pregnancy and promiscuity among teenagers is not because they have little knowledge about sex, but because of spiritual emptiness, poor moral and emotional development, lack of self-love and ability to love others.
"Where do children come from?" is a question that almost every child asks and makes it difficult for every parent to answer. Many people say that they should tell their children correctly, but the right way is often vague.
I once read an article in which a mother answered: "There is a cell called egg in the mother's body and a cell called sperm in the father's body. One day, when the two of them met, the egg warmly invited the sperm to her home and they both went to the mother's tummy together. The mother prepared a beautiful palace for them both called the womb, in the mother's womb, the egg and sperm synthesized a fertilized egg, after the mother's body nutrients feeding, they grew into a small fetus, and when the fetus was ten months old, the mother was admitted to the hospital, the midwife aunt in the hospital picked up the baby, and you, the little life was born." --This answer is too complicated! This is not answering a question from a three or four year old, this is a science lecture.
Rousseau gave an example in his educational masterpiece "Emile": a little boy asked his mother how the child came to be, and she told him that "a woman defecated him from her stomach, and when she did so, her stomach hurt so much that she almost lost her life". Rousseau thought this answer was classic because it told the child the result of the birth of a child rather than the cause. The mother immediately followed "pain" with "how the child came to be", which acted as a shield against the child's curiosity and imagination. So it gives the child an affirmative answer without provoking his imagination.
Rousseau believed that sexual initiation should be delayed as much as possible, that is, without giving them the opportunity to be curious. Of course one should never tell a child nonsense in order to delay it. If you have to tell a child, you should tell him in short words, without hesitation, and never with embarrassed and erotic expressions.
The fact is that children's curiosity about sex is not as great as adults think, and adults can avoid the embarrassment of explaining it by speaking frankly about it in another way.
I was asked this question by Yuan Yuan when she was three or four years old, and I told her without thinking that it was a gift from the Goddess of Mercy. Not long after that, she suddenly asked me one day, "Am I sent here by the Goddess of Mercy?" I said yes; she asked again, "Are you too?" I said yes; she hesitated for a moment and then asked, "Is my father too?" I said yes. She looked surprised, and after a moment she suddenly said, "Then how come I haven't seen you there?" Tears were coming down her face.
I was very surprised to understand that she was saying that we had been at the Goddess of Mercy and should have known each other long before we were born. 3-year-old children begin to have deep feelings for their parents, not only attachment, but also a strong desire for possession. In the Goddess of Mercy, we are not related to each other, do not know each other such a situation makes her very lost.
I was a little overwhelmed and understood that I was talking nonsense to the child and confusing her understanding. I quickly picked up Yuan Yuan, wiped her tears and said: I'm sorry baby, mommy used to tell you like that because she made up a story and thought it was funny to tell you like that, but it's not like that.
Yuan Yuan's eyes were wide and curious, waiting for me to tell her the "truth".
I thought about it for a while and asked her, "Do people often say that little Yuan Yuan looks like mommy and that you look like daddy?" She said yes. I said, "After Daddy and I got married and wanted to have a baby, I took a little something from Daddy," and I put my hand on her little arm and gently made like I was squeezing away a little something - "and then I took a little something from Mommy. took a little something from her body", and as I spoke I went to my face and made a motion of pulling off a little something -- "and then put these two little things together", and I made a motion of rubbing together with two fingers --I use my thumbs to make a movement to press the navel - "the little round circle will slowly grow in the mother's belly ".
Yuan Yuan's eyes shone with amazement, and I immediately continued, "So little Yuan Yuan looks like Daddy and Mommy, tell me yourself who you look like?" I have changed the subject, Yuan Yuan was prompted by me, very interested in considering the question of who they look like, and no longer ask other questions.
A few days later, she still remembered it and asked me again how I came out of my mother's tummy. I told her, "I went to the hospital and had my stomach cut open to get it out. This answer can be used whether it is a cesarean or normal birth, the child does not pursue whether you have a scar on your stomach.
Some time later, she asked me curiously what I could make into a small child by pulling a little something off of mom and dad, and whether it hurt to pull a little flesh. I said: "Oh, it is to pull a very small bit of flesh, it does not hurt, but that has to grow up to have a way to pull without pain, children can not do such things. Oh, do you want to go play with Ting Ting after dinner or do you want to play with Xiao Zhe?" The topic was thus once again turned away without a word.
Sex is human nature, when the time comes to understand it will naturally understand, just like walking is human nature, only need time to become complete. Yuan Yuan will one day know where children come from, but by then she will understand why adults say that; at the same time, I believe that by this time, she will have a sense of right and wrong and will be able to educate herself.
A correct view of gender can never exist in isolation; it is part of one's entire values and outlook on life. As long as a child has good values and a correct outlook on life, he will definitely have a healthy outlook on both sexes at the same time.
There is a tendency in sex education to tell children all about sex and physiology. It is thought that instead of covering up sex education, it is better to tell children everything without any reservation before they are too young to develop sexual desire, so that they will no longer have questions about it and then they will no longer be curious. Should this be the case?
In 2007, I read on the internet that elementary schools in Taiwan gave children sex education materials that not only had descriptions of the physical differences between the sexes and reproduction, but also illustrations of male and female sexual intercourse. This caused many parents to protest. The textbooks were reportedly written with the participation of medical experts. Although the writers and promoters came out and said that this was justified, they did not state exactly which educational theory such a textbook program was based on and which educator's theory could support the validity of their move.
In September 2007, the Guangzhou Daily reported that the first sex education book for primary and secondary schools in Shenzhen had been complained about by parents. The reader was jointly prepared by the Shenzhen Education Bureau and the Shenzhen Family Planning Center. "In the elementary school reading book suitable for 9 to 12 years old, the reporter saw that it has begun to use simple language about contraception and pregnancy control knowledge. And the middle school reading book for 12 to 15-year-olds begins to cover sexual development issues such as menstruation and masturbation, and talks in detail about pregnancy diagnosis methods, three types of contraceptive measures and abortion. The textbook begins to mention issues such as homosexuality and psychosexual disorders, and also confronts issues such as Internet pornography and online romance."
Is this a sex education class or a sex initiation class? Are the consequences that children learn to treat sex with reason and discretion, or does it open up their curiosity even more and make their hearts flutter? Does this "common sense" contribute to their rejection of temptation, or their devotion to it?
It's a strange phenomenon that people in the medical field are getting involved in the educational field at every turn.
When the state allows mental health classes for students, schools contract these classes to hospital psychology departments; when children are disobedient and disruptive, parents take them to hospitals to see ADHD; when sex education is needed, experts in reproductive medicine are brought in to compile teaching materials - is this kind of cooperation normal, and is the function it fulfills educational or anti-educational?
We are not opposed to cooperation between the medical and educational communities, but children's education has its own special characteristics. It is absurd to simply apply adult logic to children and to apply medical thinking and methods to children's education. Read the writings of great educators such as Rousseau, Dewey, Sukhomlinsky, Makarenko, Tao Xingchi, etc. Once you understand their ideas, you can know that they would oppose such "sex education".
Making "sex education" into "sex initiation" is much worse than not doing it at all!
The problems of early pregnancy and promiscuity among teenagers are not because they have little knowledge about sex, but because they are spiritually empty, morally and emotionally stunted, and lack the ability to love themselves and others.
Those children who have problems are in no way because they have less knowledge about sex than the average child, on the contrary, they have acquired more knowledge about sex from various sources and their interest is aroused. Because they consistently lack rational self-restraint, they consistently have no sense of responsibility for themselves and others, and indulge themselves recklessly. Just like a child who often steals copies of others' homework, he knows very well that his behavior is bad, but he is unwilling to put effort into it. He has unfortunately grown up in some kind of bad educational environment, and he has lost a lot of his self-esteem over time and is becoming more and more brazen in facing himself.
I think the focus of sex education should be on worldview and love education, which can be roughly divided into two stages.
Before the child becomes an adult, the task of education is to establish the child's correct worldview, cultivate a sense of self-respect and self-love, develop a kind, understanding, open-minded and hard-working character, so that he becomes a person who develops healthily and harmoniously in both physical and psychological aspects. All of this is to prepare him for the real stage of marriage. What kind of person the child will become and what kind of face he will take to get along with the opposite sex is basically determined by the education at this stage.
By the time the child is old enough to be in high school or college, parents can talk directly to their children about the sexes and love. Parents should not only guide their children with a healthy view of love in their consciousness, but also try to set an example for their children by the way they get along with their spouses. It is only when children appreciate from their parents a beautiful relationship between men and women that they will have confidence in getting along with both sexes and will be able to find love, good sex and a lifetime of happiness for themselves with a healthy mindset.
Here are some other details that parents are reminded to pay attention to in their children's early sex education.
If you see a preschooler having sexual intercourse imitation, parents must not be alarmed, let alone scold the child, but tell him in a calm but firm tone that you are against such games; and turn his attention to something else as soon as possible.
The child has this kind of behavior, may be the parent's action accidentally seen by the child, so parents must check their own behavior, determined not to let the child see parents having sex. It is also possible that other children do so that he learned, so if you are sure that there is no problem in the family, you should pay attention to the situation of children in contact with the child, to have a kind reminder to other parents.
A friend of mine told me an incredible story. Her neighbor's girl, age 4, came over to her house to play with her son and actually taught her son to climb on her, do imitations, and imitate sounds. My friend was horrified and quickly found an opportunity to ask the little girl's mother politely. The mother, on hearing this, did not care too much and said, "Oh, probably learned from the video. It turns out that she and her husband watch pornographic videos, and actually do not avoid the child, the child also stood next to watch. They think that the child is so small, do not understand anything, watch it is okay.
Such parents are simply stupid, the child in their eyes is just a small animal, they do not consider the child is a person. Any experience from childhood can leave an impression on their minds. Filthy shots, even a few months old baby should not be allowed to see him, and besides, their child is four years old and already knows how to behave. This behavior of their children is a huge damage to the child, will affect the child's physical and mental health for life.
There are also families where mothers actually take their little boys to public bathrooms because they don't have bathing facilities, which is also wrong. No matter how old the child is, he should not be taken into a bathroom of the opposite sex. If the father can not take him to the bath, rather than take him to the female bath at home with a large tub to wash him.
At home, as long as the child can bathe by himself, parents are best to let the child wash alone. The child grows to a certain age and does not want his parents to see his naked body, and he does not like to see his parents' naked bodies, especially the naked bodies of parents of the opposite sex.
After the child enters puberty at the age of twelve or three, parents should not sleep alone with children of the opposite sex in the same bed. Some sources say that if a boy sleeps in the same bed with his mother for a long time, he may develop sexual dysfunction when he grows up and gets married. Girls who sleep in the same bed with their fathers for a long time are also not conducive to healthy psychological development.
However, parents can properly show affection in front of their children. Such as a kiss goodbye in the morning before going to work, a hug after returning from a long absence. This can let the child see the parents love each other and experience the happiness of family life. Parents should be frank when doing these actions, and there should not be the slightest sense of nastiness in their hearts. Children see love and beauty from their parents and learn to express their emotions normally.
Of course, at such times do not forget to give the child a kiss and a hug at the same time.
● Sexual initiation should be delayed as much as possible, that is, without giving the child the opportunity to make them curious. Of course, you should never tell your child nonsense just to delay it. If you have to tell your child, you should tell him in short words and without hesitation, and never with embarrassed or erotic expressions.
● Children are not at all as curious about sex as adults think they are. Adults can avoid the embarrassment of explaining and speak frankly about the issue in another way.
●Sex is human nature and will naturally be understood when the time comes, just as it is human nature to walk and it just takes time to come to fruition.
Those children who have problems are in no way less knowledgeable about sex than the average child, but on the contrary, they have gained more knowledge about sex from various sources and their interest has been aroused. Because they consistently lack rational self-restraint, they consistently have no sense of responsibility for themselves and others, and indulge themselves recklessly.
● A correct view of the sexes can never exist in isolation; it is part of one's entire values and outlook on life. As long as a child has good values and a correct outlook on life, he will surely have a healthy outlook on both sexes at the same time. The focus of sex education should be on worldview and love education.
Parents should not only guide their children with a healthy view of love in their consciousness, but also try their best to set an example for their children by how they get along with their spouses. It is only when children appreciate the beautiful relationship between men and women from their parents that they will have confidence in getting along with both sexes and will be able to find love, good sex, and a lifetime of happiness for themselves with a healthy mindset.