3. Writing homework for children-Woodmam



Writing homework for children is not a study dance for parents to help their children, but a rational way to help them get more free time, live a little happier, and teach them to face learning realistically by making some mistakes in Hang's schooling. It is one of the effective means to protect children's interest in learning.

  After Yuan Yuan started elementary school, we basically took a "don't care" attitude towards her homework. Every day, we did not ask what homework the teacher had assigned and how well she had written it, nor did we check it. She did not let us worry about completing her homework, and she was always very conscientious. But after a while, she started to show her boredom with the homework, complaining that she had to write three lines for one word, and that she had written the word for this lesson once the day before, and then again yesterday.

  One day, she showed impatience in writing her homework again, so I took a closer look at her homework for that day and felt that some things really did not need to be written, or did not need to be written so much. For example, the teacher always assigns the vocabulary in "rows" and hardly ever in "pieces". There are always 2, 3, or even 5 lines. I believe that if a child is willing to remember a word, he does not need to write it so many times. If you don't want to talk about it, mom will talk to the teacher. Yuan Yuan shook her head as soon as she heard it. In her intuition, there was no way the teacher would agree.

  There are calls for personalized homework for primary and secondary school students, but few teachers will do so. Not only because it's more of a hassle, but also because many people have a deep-rooted belief that it shouldn't be done. If any child dares to go to the teacher and say I have mastered this content, I can write less. The teacher will definitely say, "We are all in the same class, why can you write less homework - learning is hard work, not welfare, and writing less is "taking advantage" - these junk ideas are instilled in children's minds. These junk ideas are instilled in the children's minds and in the students' perceptions. If a teacher agrees that a student should write less, other students will rise up against it, so why should he be taken care of?

  I understand Yuan Yuan's difficulty, and I think it's really unrealistic. This is not a class issue, and it is very troublesome and inconvenient to operate. After thinking about it, I asked Yuan Yuan if you could recognize and write all these words, so you didn't feel the need to write them so many times? She said yes. I said, "Then, don't look at the book, mom will read it and you will write it silently. As long as you write correctly, just write one. If you don't write correctly, write three times, and mommy will write the rest for you, okay?"

  When Yuan Yuan heard me say this, she looked at me with complicated eyes, with surprise and doubt, she didn't believe my words. Her little heart must have been wondering if this was the right thing to do, if she was faking it.

  I read her eyes and said very definitely and frankly: "It's okay to do so, learning is to learn, the teacher let write so many times is not so that you all know how to write, as long as you know, you do not need to write so much, do not you think?" Yuan Yuan thought I had a point, but she was still worried and said, "If the teacher finds out that you wrote it, she will criticize me." I said, "Mom will try to write almost the same as you do, and the teacher won't be able to tell. Why don't we try it today?" Yuan Yuan nodded excitedly and a little embarrassed.

  There were 8 characters to be written in the language that day, and each character was written in 2 lines. The only word in these words Yuan Yuan did not know how to write, she wrote this one word three times, the rest were written only one. What was originally a 160-word assignment was now 11 words - how easy it was all of a sudden. I noticed that Yuan Yuan was very serious when she wrote these 11 words, especially the one she couldn't write, and wrote it three times seriously. I believe that with such seriousness, three times is enough for her to remember how to write the word. The rest was written by me carefully following the handwriting of the circle, trying to make the teacher not see the difference.

  I found that it is easy for adults to write curtly, and they can write a large area at a time. If you write one stroke at a time, it's really a lot of effort. And if you have good handwriting, it's not easy to make it worse and look like a child's handwriting.

  Since then I've been writing her homework for her a lot. Every time the child writes something, which left by me to write, this matter must be made by the child's own decision, I never replace the round to make a judgment. This is because it allows the child to test herself, and it makes her more willing to remember what she should remember, because the more she grasps what she learns, the less homework she needs to write herself.

  Her father disagreed with me at first, worrying that if I did her homework for her, I would spoil her and make her develop a dependency mindset. I said don't worry, knowing Yuan Yuan, she would never let me do some homework that she hasn't mastered yet. The ones she asked me to do for her must be the ones she didn't think she needed to write. Children are born with a view of good and evil, and it is human nature to tend to good and avoid evil. A pure-hearted, self-respecting child would never take advantage of someone's good intentions to falsify them.

  It is true that since I started to do Yuan Yuan's homework for her, she has become more and more open to the matter of homework. Mentally relaxed, she became more self-conscious. She usually does not need my help if she can finish it with a little more effort. She never gives me "homework" because she wants to be lazy. I could feel this in my help. So although I "helped" off and on until she was in her first year, it wasn't very often. As far as I can remember, except for the beginning of the year, I only did it about three or four times a semester on average.

  I found that not only was there no harm in doing the homework for my child, but there were many advantages.

  First of all, I didn't make the homework difficult for my child, I didn't make her feel that she was suffering from school, and I protected her interest in learning; secondly, I let her know that learning is a matter of practicality, not to make things difficult for herself or to please others, which made her more practical and efficient; besides, it freed her from homework and gave her more spare time.

  Yuan Yuan has never stopped reading extracurricular books, and in junior high school she spent a lot of time playing games and secretly writing novels. After high school, although she was busy with her homework, she still read extracurricular books, even original English novels and comics - all of which took up a lot of her time, but she was able to complete her homework in all subjects properly and her grades were always good. Some people wonder where she gets so much time. I think it has to do with the fact that she grew up knowing how to prioritize her studies and adjusting her study plan to her real situation. In turn, her extensive reading has brought her knowledge and intellectual progress, making her more capable of learning and studying more easily and effectively. Overall, she has been coordinating her two sets of work, self-study and completing the homework assigned by her teachers, well into a virtuous cycle. This is much more fortunate than children who let homework spoil their appetite for learning and write for two hours on a half-hour assignment.

  I would like to remind parents here that they must be careful to leave free time for their children in primary and secondary school, especially in elementary school, and must not let homework, piano practice, extracurricular classes, and other such things take up all of their children's time. It is important to give your child free time every day. According to Soviet educator Sukhomlinsky, "Just as air is essential for health, free time is essential for students. Only if the student does not spend all his time on study, leaving much free time at his disposal, he will be able to learn successfully. The more a student's time is crammed with all kinds of homework, the less time is left for him to think about things directly related to his studies, the greater the likelihood that he will be overburdened and fall behind in his studies."

  The caveat here is that "free time" should never be spent watching television, which is another form of bondage and a particularly bad pastime for children. This time can be spent reading, playing with a buddy, or running, playing ball, or playing chess with a parent, etc. Any activity that is good for your child's physical and mental health is good.

  Writing homework for your child is an extraordinary act, and many parents must have the same concerns as Yuan Yuan's father. This actually reflects the misconceptions adults have about children. They don't believe that children are naturally good-oriented, and their thinking has a false premise that children have no self-control, and that by leaving adult supervision and giving free conditions, children will be completely unrestrained and will fall. Other parents say, "My child is not like yours, my child loves to be clever, if I write his homework for him once, he won't know how many excuses he will have to ask me to write it for him in the future.

  If your child really behaves like this, then the problem is not in your writing his homework for him or in the child's own nature, but in some details of the parent-child relationship that have gone wrong over a longer period of time. The details vary from family to family, but the nature is similar. It is definitely because the parents are not operating properly, damaging the child's self-esteem and self-confidence, creating his guilt on a regular basis, making the child not know how to love himself, and only then he becomes more and more like a little scoundrel, devoting his mind to cheating every day.

  A child who is always respected must be a person who knows how to respect and love himself, and he will never take advantage of the goodwill of his parents to do anything that would make him feel ashamed.

  Education is all in the details. The matter of writing homework for your child is one of the millions of details in the relationship between parents and children, and if you do not handle the details well, the result may be the exact opposite. The level of detailing still depends on the parent's educational philosophy.

  There is a parent whose child is in the fourth grade and usually does not like to write homework. On the one hand, the parent feels that the teacher assigns too much homework, and on the other hand, he is always worried that his child is not learning solidly, so he checks his child's homework strictly every day. I told him about writing his homework for him, and he did it at home.

  The child disliked English the most, so he was ready to help him with English. He said to the child, "You don't have to write these English words ten times as required by the teacher, but write only one for those you can write, and three for those you can't write. So the child wrote a few of the words he didn't know three times and the rest once. The child was very happy about this. After a while, he came back to test the child to see if he had remembered the ones he could not write three times. As a result, the child still could not write two. He was a little angry, saying that he had just written them and had forgotten them so quickly, so he asked the child to write each of the two words 10 times. The child was a little upset, saying that you said you would only write the words three times, how did it become 10 times again. The child could not resist the parent, so he wrote the words 10 times in anger.

  After a while, the father went to check again, and the child had just written the words wrong again. The father was angry and couldn't help but ask the child, "You've written these two words more than ten times, how come you still haven't remembered them? Write each word 20 more times! The child's emotions were already very resistant at this point. The parents ignored the child's emotions, thinking that he had written the words more than 20 times, so he should have remembered them. To the parents' surprise, when they went to check again after a while, the child still couldn't write it. He was furious and found it unbelievable, and in a fit of anger he asked the child to write each of the two words 50 times, saying that he didn't believe you couldn't remember them.

  The child did not do it, so the calculation, the amount of homework than the original each word written 10 times more it. The father and son therefore had a big fight. It got to the point where doing the child's homework for him became worse than not doing it at all.

  He complained to me afterwards, saying, "That method of yours doesn't work for my child. My child is not as understanding as your child, and your child understands the good intentions of parents, but mine does not.

  Is it really because children are different? No!

  I said to him frankly that you can't blame the child unilaterally for this. In fact, the first thing is that you have not built up your confidence in this approach. You lacked sincerity at the beginning, and rather than trying to help your child, you just wanted to test your child with this approach. Try to see if your child can keep up with the trip as soon as the parents change, just like other people's children do. So after you help him with his homework, you have to check whether he remembered it or not. At the same time, you subconsciously see yourself as a favor to your child by writing his homework for him and demand that he immediately repay you with satisfactory results. When he fails to meet your expectations and doesn't remember, you get angry and next move to punish him again by making him write over and over again. The original purpose of doing your child's homework is to free your child from the pain of unreasonable homework, but in the end you turn homework back into "penal servitude". In this way, your behavior is inconsistent and your child is confused by you. Not only does he add a layer of disgust to learning, but he also adds a layer of resentment to his parents' behavior. He will not want to learn even more and will not listen to the parent even more.

  The parent had a hard time accepting my analysis and criticism of him, insisting that children are different from each other, and that your child is attentive and suitable for this method; my child is just not attentive and not suitable for this method. I said, "Your child and my child are different. Your child has been struggling under the pressure of homework and parental supervision for so long in the past that he has gotten used to being antagonistic to homework and antagonistic to parents. Now that the parents have suddenly changed, if the preliminary psychological work is not done properly, your child will definitely be a bit overwhelmed, lacking confidence in learning and the ability to learn at once. You have to have a lot of patience to repair his psychology and wait for him to change slowly.

  Parents are still a little angry, but my child is so stupid, why can't he remember to write so many times? I think it's because he's not paying attention!

  I said, "If you can't remember a word after writing it dozens of times, it has nothing to do with the child's stupidity, but with his emotions. Aversion will block all the memory channels. The reason why many children who seem to be smart and intelligent are so stupid when it comes to learning is here. On the surface, these children do not seem to be attentive to learning, but it is not just a matter of whether they are attentive or not. "Attentiveness", just like "force", also requires some growth foundation and a process of growth and accumulation. Even for adults, if they want to be "attentive" to something, the prerequisite must be that they do not hate or reject it. How can a person hate something and be "attentive" to it?

  I saw that the parent did not squeal, and seemed to have some thoughts, so I continued to tell him that you can only talk about paying attention to homework if you first dilute your child's boredom with it and slowly cultivate his confidence and good feeling about learning. Your child is in fourth grade and has been bored with learning for a long time, so the transformation will be a longer process, the higher the grade the longer the process. Parents must have patience, children with three years to form bad habits, you want to use three days to change, it is impossible.

  I suggest that this parent take a different approach, simply from reducing the child's study load, help only help, no other conditions attached; not because the parents help, the child must be required to write the day all the words mastered. Allow him to learn some things temporarily, and allow him to make mistakes in his homework. As a parent, you must understand your child. In this case, the two words were written and still can't be done, at this time the child is actually very ashamed and very low self-esteem. Parents should be sympathetic to the child's heart, tell the child not to rush, will not be able to write two more times, if still can not master, put two days first, slowly. Then find something that can be praised from his performance and homework, and give affirmation, such as praising his homework than the usual neatly written, say his homework correct rate than the usual high, in short, let the child from time to time from learning to experience a pleasant emotion, so that slowly alleviate his aversion to homework.

  Writing homework for your child is not a study dance for your child; it is a rational way to fight against some mistakes in school education, to help your child get more free time as a last resort, to make your child's life a little happier, and to teach your child to face learning realistically. It is one of the effective means to protect your child's interest in learning. So parents have to first accept the matter completely from the inside, very openly, and then do it. If you lack sincerity in your own heart, have doubts and guilt, then you are doing it in a way that conveys a bad stimulus to your child, making him or her feel that it is speculative and creates a sense of guilt. It is impossible for a person to challenge a custom or routine without a cushion of justice. You can never hide your misgivings in front of your child, who is more than radar and can catch all your true attitudes in your eyes and tone of voice.

  When Yuan Yuan came home to tell me about an incident, it sounded like a student found that another student in her class had only 8 words in one line of her language book, while her own was 10 words in one line, so she came home and complained that other people's mothers would buy the book, how come you don't look at how many words are in each line when you buy it. Her mother said I know, when I bought it, people asked whether they wanted a line of 8 words or 10 words, I bought a 10-word one, which is not to let you write two more words to remember it.

  The parents think they are taking advantage of the two extra words, and the children think they are losing out. Round said that some students reflect this problem to the teacher, asked to use a line of 8 words workbook children, but also to write the number of 10 words per word, but the teacher felt that there must be two words written to the next line, a line pushed down will look very messy, not neat, or by the number of lines to write. Many students in her class therefore went to great lengths to find a book with eight words on a line - the children were forced to put their minds to it.

  Three thousand years ago, Confucius proposed "teaching according to ability". Almost all the great educators of the past and present have put forward the idea of individual treatment and differentiated teaching in the education of children. But in actual schooling, especially in primary and secondary schools, it is rare to see a teacher who does not have a one-size-fits-all approach to homework. One-size-fits-all is indeed less effort and less energy, but different children have to accept the pain of being cut by the same mold. This is a big problem in the current primary and secondary education in China, yet it has prevailed for years in a dignified manner, with few teachers or parents considering its impropriety.

  Society cannot be expected to provide a perfect education for every child; but as parents, it is our responsibility to create as good an educational environment as possible for our unique children. It is certainly better for parents if there is a way to free their children from the heavy burden. For example, through efforts to promote pedagogical reform at the school; or through some kind of influence to promote policy solutions, etc. If this is not possible, writing the homework for your child is an immediate solution.

  On the surface, "writing homework for children" is a helpless act of being forced to do so, but in fact, it is mainly an educational awareness and a way of thinking. That is, parents should use a realistic attitude in their children's learning to help them overcome some difficulties. Different children in different schools, with different teachers, will have different difficulties. There is no one universally applicable method, but there must be some effective methods. As long as you are realistic about helping your child, many solutions will come out naturally.

  The last thing to remember is that whatever method you use, be careful not to make a mistake or get your child into trouble because of a parent's carelessness. For example, if the teacher finds out that you are doing the homework for your child, you will lose more than you gain.

  Special tips

  I never make judgments for Yuan Yuan.

  Children are born with a sense of good and evil, and it is human nature to tend towards good and into evil. A pure-hearted and self-respecting child will never take advantage of others' kindness to make a false statement.

  During the primary and secondary school years, especially the elementary school years, you must pay attention to giving your child free time to make arrangements, and never let homework, piano practice, or extracurricular classes take up all of your child's time. Make sure that your child has free time every day.

  If you can't remember a word after writing it dozens of times, it has nothing to do with your child's stupidity, but with his emotions. Aversion can block all the memory channels. This is the reason why many children who seem to be smart and clever are so stupid when it comes to learning.

  It is not a matter of whether a child is attentive or not. "The reason for this is that it is not just a matter of time, but also a process of growth and accumulation. Even for adults, if you want to be "attentive" to something, the prerequisite must be not to hate or reject the thing. How can a person hate something and be "attentive" to it at the same time?

  It is impossible for a person to challenge a custom or convention without a sense of justice.

Educational toys can be used to prompt children's learning abilities

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