2. Don't tease the child-Woodmam
Child teasing is a condescending way for adults to take advantage of a child's childishness and deliberately make him or her make mistakes, cry and be afraid. Its purpose is to amuse adults and bring humiliation, worry and loss to the child.
When Yuan Yuan was in kindergarten, there was a period when I was particularly busy at work, so her father picked her up and dropped her off. Her father's unit is very close to the kindergarten, kindergarten early, Dad picked her up before the end of the day, she took her back to the unit to stay another hour before going home.
Several people in his office were around thirty years old at the time, and they got along very well and casually, often joking with each other. Two colleagues liked to talk to Yuan Yuan, but they did not talk to the child normally, always teasing her like a small animal. For example, pretend to be very vicious, forcibly to hug the child, the child was scared to hide, they were happy to laugh; or fussed to Yuan Yuan to call them "grandfather", the child did not know what to do, called the grandfather, and made the office laugh. I can imagine that Yuan Yuan must have sensed from everyone's expressions that something was wrong, but she didn't know what was wrong, she must have been very confused and upset. Then they asked Yuan Yuan to call her grandfather, and when she didn't, they pretended to be angry and said you don't know how to be polite, making Yuan Yuan at a loss for words.
Her father also did not like the way people teased Yuan Yuan, but perhaps because he thought it was just a joke, or perhaps because he was embarrassed of his colleagues, he did not try to forcefully stop them.
I didn't know about this at first, and the child was so young that she wasn't capable of telling me about her displeasure. As a result, after a while, I found that Yuan Yuan was not confident when dealing with outsiders, and was not as generous as before when talking, often wanting to say but not sure, her eyes were hesitant and evasive, especially when dealing with strangers. This made me a little anxious, but I couldn't find the root cause at once, so I reflected on what was wrong with our child's education, and paid more attention to let her deal with others in life to cultivate her confidence.
One day, Yuan Yuan and her father came back from the unit, I saw signs that Yuan Yuan had been crying, asked what was wrong, Yuan Yuan said: Uncle Zhang said Dad did not want me. He said he wanted to cry again. Her father explained that he went to a meeting with the dean before the end of the day, the meeting was a little longer than the original time, and it was not over by the end of the day. The Zhang colleague said to Yuan Yuan: "Your father and mother do not want you, to give you to me, my family has a son, just no little girl, go, go home with me." Saying that, he made the appearance of pulling Yuan Yuan away. Yuan Yuan was terrified and cried out. At this point, I realized that they often tease children.
I was very angry and blamed Mr. He did not know how to protect the children, and in my anger, I said I would deprive him of the right to pick up the children. Mr. Although he was also a bit dissatisfied with his colleague's practice, he did not think it would bring any impact on Yuan Yuan and thought I took the matter too seriously. I later talked to him about this matter many times and analyzed with him the psychology of the child. He also saw the impact from the fact that Yuan Yuan woke up crying from sleep twice and asked her what she had dreamed, both times saying that she dreamed that her father picked her up from kindergarten and didn't want her anymore and left alone. What a profound fear an adult's boring joke can bring to a child.
Her father finally realized the effect this had on Yuan Yuan and was very remorseful. Later, I tried to pick up the child as much as possible and really "deprived" my husband of the right to pick up the child, mainly because I did not want Yuan Yuan Yuan to see those two people from her father's unit again and did not want to arouse her displeasure. Her father also really pay attention to this issue, occasionally because I am too busy to pick up the child, he picked up the child back to the unit, and never allow colleagues to tease the child again. My husband and I have reached a consensus that we would rather offend our colleagues than "offend" our children. Of course, the unit colleagues teasing children and no malicious, see parents do not want to do that in the future, so there is no question of "offending".
"Teasing" children and "teasing" children are two different concepts. "Teasing" children should be based on the premise that children are happy. Often the growth of the children to lower themselves to the children's interests, in a way that children can understand and accept, to create a happy event for children, which contains a child's heart, joy, and even humor and wisdom.
I saw a mother washing and drying a bed sheet, and then playing a game called "having poor eyesight" with her two-year-old son. She and the child stood on either side of the sheet, out of sight of each other, and then shouted "Seeing Eye", and the two of them looked at each other from the left or right side of the sheet at the same time. The child's goal is to meet the mother every time she probes, while the mother's goal is to keep the child out of sight every time she probes. This way, the mother may just once from the left to explore the head, the next "eyesight" or from the left probe; to the child's judgment, the mother just came out of the left, this time to the right, so run to the right, the results of a blank. The child will be happy to laugh when she finally meets up with her mother. Especially if the mother uses a trick to come out from the left and then from the left again, and the child has learned to judge by guessing and comes out from the same side twice, face to face with the mother, the child is excited about his or her achievement.
Child teasing is a way of growing up and taking advantage of the child's childishness, deliberately making the child make mistakes, cry and be afraid. It is intended to amuse the adult and bring humiliation, worry and loss to the child.
For example, the adult holds an object in his hand ready to give to the child, but instead of giving it to him painfully, he makes conditions and asks the child to say a sweet word, and if the child does not say it, he makes as if he is going to take it away and not give it until the child says it, which satisfactorily hands it to the child. Other adults to scare children for fun, see the little boy, make to cut the boy's penis knife and other actions. Or see a little girl extremely like the rag doll, the rag doll hidden, said lost or taken by others, anxious little girl cried out, the adults only take out.
Adults think this is very funny, think it is just to make the child anxious, cry a nose, a smile is fine; in fact, these behaviors can cause psychological harm to the child. It is not fun for the child, but only makes the child feel uneasy and disrespected, damaging the child's self-esteem and increasing the child's social fear and distrust of others. So whenever you encounter this kind of thing, parents should politely but firmly stop it. This is not a trivial matter, there is nothing trivial about the child, in the eyes of adults is a small matter, for the child is a big deal.
Mr. Chen Hechen, a famous modern educator in China, is firmly against teasing children, and he believes that playing with children is also virtue education, and children who are often teased will have defects in character. For example, adults often use the method of cheating children, make the child anxious, to win the adult laugh, the child will slowly develop distrust of others and the problem of lying.
Nowadays, in urban life, the above specific practices of teasing children may not be used, but the way of thinking of people teasing children is still very common, and children are still the object of teasing in many occasions. These teasing behaviors are superficially less vulgar, but they are similar to the brutality of the above teasing behaviors, and both contain a lack of respect for children and an inconsiderate understanding of children's psychology.
On the evening of January 2, 2008 I saw a program on Beijing TV that invited quintuplets from Hebei, four girls and one boy. The five little ones, aged just over four years old, were healthy and cute, standing together in the middle of the studio without any stage fright, all with excited faces.
The host's first question was "Who among you is the tattletale". The five children listened to this question with confused faces, and at first they were all pointing indiscriminately with uncertainty, and then some of them saw who others pointed at and who they pointed at, and finally they unified on one child, and the child who was identified as the tattletale looked at a loss, and she must have felt that she was not a good player, and looked a little aggrieved and even afraid.
The moderator's second question was "Who likes to hit others the most". The children started to point at each other, and in the middle, they revealed each other, and finally unified on one person, and the child who "hit others the most" looked embarrassed all of a sudden.
The moderator's third question was "Who gets hit the most by their dad? The children were still hesitantly pointing at each other, but in the end, they were unified on one child, and the child who was pointed at immediately became at a loss as to what to do, and his face was indescribably embarrassed.
The host and the audience were amused by the children's appearance, and the only ones who didn't laugh were the children. Their relationship had been provoked and they were labeled in public, they were not as relaxed as they were when they first came on stage, they became nervous and a little overwhelmed.
Next, the host brought up a very beautiful book bag, said it was the only one available, and asked the children who it was for. The children were obviously attracted to this bag, their eyes were full of desire, and their little hearts must be eager to get this bag. However, they had just been labeled as bad, and they all wanted to behave well, so they began to push each other, saying that they would give it to someone else, and none of them dared to say that they would give it to themselves. The oldest was happy to get the bag, but the disappointment of the other children was obvious; the oldest, perhaps feeling bad for a moment, gritted her teeth and gave it to the fifth, which was a bit surprising. Just as the host praised her, the little girl burst into tears, lost and aggrieved. The host pretended to be surprised and asked her why she was crying, and the child cried so hard she couldn't speak.
At that moment, the eloquent and articulate old man said, "She cried because she thought the old man was good". Once again, the audience was amused by the "explanation" of the old man.
The show went on until the children cried and cried and said false things, each with their hearts in their mouths, before the host took the other four school bags and the children finally broke into tears.
What is the purpose of this program, and what is the purpose of these questions and links they designed? I really don't understand. I didn't look any further and left the TV to do something else. Otherwise I was so depressed that I wanted to cry too.
As I write this, I am reminded of a poem by Mr. Tao Xingchi, which is so well written that all adults should keep in mind when dealing with children.
Everyone says that children are small.
Children are not small.
If you think a child is small, you are smaller than a child.
If you think children are small, you are even smaller than children.
Adults think it's fun to tease children, thinking it's just a matter of making them anxious, crying, or laughing, but in fact these behaviors can cause psychological damage to children. It is not fun for children, but only makes them feel uneasy and disrespected, damaging their self-esteem and increasing their social fears and distrust of others. So whenever you encounter this kind of thing, parents should politely but firmly stop it. This is not a trivial matter. Nothing is trivial when it comes to children, and what is trivial in the eyes of adults is a big deal for children.
Playing with children is also an education in virtue, and children who are often caught will develop defects in character.